maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
