there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
