You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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