The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
