Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
