You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
