Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
