I am spending my child support on dildos
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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