So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
