She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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