i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
