So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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