the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
