You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
