i think i have two assholes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
