Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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