your parents love me but you hate me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
