why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
we're so committed to being not committed
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
