We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
