im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
