so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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