you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
