The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
