Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you have to choose: penises or morals?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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