My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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