I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
