saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
