I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
