I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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