Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm at about main and main street
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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