just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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