my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
