He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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