We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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