i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
