did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
