last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
