hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
