So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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