im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I know her cup size but not her name....
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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