Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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