I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
