Your face is a jimmy john
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
