im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
