I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
