If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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