you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
