Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
