I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
