Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
