the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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