I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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