I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
