My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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