Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
