At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
