I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
