Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
