Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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