Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
