1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
