Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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