Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My penis needs a shock collar
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
