I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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