I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
