I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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