i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
