When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
