Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
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That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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