with your own penis?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
