I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
