Duck Duck Cougar?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
