you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
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I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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