Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
