Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
